{"id":1795,"date":"2022-08-26T09:43:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-26T08:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/?p=1795"},"modified":"2024-07-23T10:53:32","modified_gmt":"2024-07-23T08:53:32","slug":"the-one-sure-way-to-escape-bullying","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/2022\/08\/26\/the-one-sure-way-to-escape-bullying\/","title":{"rendered":"The one sure way to escape bullying"},"content":{"rendered":"
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My Corporate Survival Hacks series draws on experiences of working in local, regional and global life-science communications to offer some little tips for enjoying a big business career. This post addresses the issue of bullying and how you might mitigate or stop it if ever confronted with a bullying manager, business partner or peer.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You know a bully when you see one. Or maybe you don\u2019t? As most true bullies seem terribly nice and sweet initially. They appear to have learned that it takes grooming to lure victims into their net. To then turn on them.<\/p>\n

To be clear: when I speak of bullying, I don\u2019t mean every time you feel treated badly. We all have bad days \u2013 our managers do, too. We\u2019re all human \u2013 so are our peers. You don\u2019t have to tolerate bad treatment or behaviours and there are ways to deal with either, but I wouldn\u2019t classify a single or even occasional incident as bullying.<\/p>\n

Deliberate, systematic destruction<\/strong><\/p>\n

The bullying I have observed consisted in systematic derogatory treatment of a colleague or several, putting them on impossible missions, changing direction so fast they can\u2019t possibly get anything \u2018right\u2019, making them seem ridiculous and incompetent in front of others, and more.<\/p>\n

True bullies, over time, aim to systematically destroy others\u2019 confidence, their credibility, reputation, self-esteem, and, as a result, diminish their quality of work and measurable output \u2013 creating the perfect grounds for dismissal as the ultimate \u2018victory\u2019.<\/p>\n

There are, however, a few things you may try to counter bullying that I\u2019ve occasionally seen work.<\/p>\n

Be courageous<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have a courageous conversation. It might turn out they don\u2019t mean to bully at all \u2013 they just aren\u2019t aware of their style and its impact. At minimum, it\u2019ll put them on their guard that you\u2019re aware of what\u2019s going on and that their behaviour has a negative impact on your morale and engagement. If they are aware enough of their tactics and why they employ these, a respectful, open conversation will at least not worsen the situation.<\/p>\n

Quite the contrary: if they applied these obnoxious tactics consciously, to satisfy whatever desire subjugating other people satisfies, confronting them might stop that behaviour. That is, if \u2013 and that\u2019s a capital IF \u2013 they were concerned about being exposed, having their reputation damaged, or simply lose interest once the victim sees through the game at play. A close friend and former work colleague encouraged me by her example of how she once confronted a bullying manager, to succeed with that courageous approach. By confronting him, she seemed to take his pleasure out of it.<\/p>\n

Manager or HR guidance<\/strong><\/p>\n

Seek guidance from your manager \u2013 unless they\u2019re the bully! I\u2019ve enjoyed great managers who got personally involved to help manage difficult situations, as they were truly invested in their team\u2019s success. Admittedly, I also experienced others who would part with encouraging advice but otherwise shy away from the hot situation \u2026 especially when the bully was an important business partner or superior to them.<\/p>\n

If you enjoy a trusted HR partner, seek their counsel. They\u2019re trained to treat sensitive matters confidentially and have relevant experience to support you. In fairness, most large corporations have thinned out their HR groups and outsourced to external agencies and electronic self-help systems, so that the remaining HR professionals still employed are insanely busy and might not have much time to spare, despite being the \u2018people experts\u2019.<\/p>\n

Seek external help<\/strong><\/p>\n

If none of the above works, seek external support. This might be an experienced peer you trust to not leak things shared in confidence. It may be a friend or someone else outside your organisation to provide mentorship, or just lend you an ear and their own experiences. There are professional organisations that specialise in supporting bullying and mobbing victims. Or a professional coach, who will help you develop robust self-help strategies tailored to your unique situation.<\/p>\n

If your company offers a confidential compliance officer or hotline, you might try there. Call me a sceptic \u2013 I\u2019ve never seen that route work out for the individual concerned, in large organisations. It might give you the feeling that your case is being properly reviewed. However, even when there\u2019s a lot of substance, evidence, and witnesses, I\u2019ve not seen those internal regulators ever produce a meaningful case against senior company leaders \u2013 not for bullying.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t succumb<\/strong><\/p>\n

The other thing I\u2019ve never seen work, with true bullies, is when the victimised individual plays along trying to meet the ever-changing expectations and to convince the bully that they are up to requirements, after all. Submission might work for a short while but soon the bully will return to, and crank up, their tactics. That seems to satisfy their ego and superiority more than accepting someone\u2019s \u2018defeat\u2019.<\/p>\n

So, what then can you do if none of the above works, to effectively stop true bullying if ever you have to face it?<\/p>\n

Get out!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If none of these approaches work, the only thing I\u2019ve seen materially work is getting ahead of the situation by getting out of that company, or at least that business area or department, to put real distance between yourself and the bullying leader. Because the longer your struggle continues, the more it will feed their desire. And the less you will enjoy going to work in the morning and giving your best for a person and company treating you badly.<\/p>\n

As another friend and long-term senior corporate leader reminds me: \u201cA company doesn\u2019t make you, so they can\u2019t break you.\u00a0Bullies don\u2019t typically go after people who don\u2019t intimidate or scare them professionally. So likely, you\u2019re a rock star. What you\u2019ve brought to the company, what\u2019s allowed you to be successful, that leaves with you. And it\u2019s why you can feel brave enough to move on to a more supportive environment where you can get back to being a rock star.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, as long as you feel confident about your skills and professional capabilities, take them elsewhere \u2013 especially in today\u2019s employee market. Don\u2019t give the bully the ultimate pleasure of driving you out. They may think so anyway \u2013 but this way it\u2019s your decision, not theirs.<\/p>\n

For all these reasons, I find it best to stop bullies by leaving them proactively and not giving them the pleasure they\u2019re seeking.<\/p>\n

Unless the bully is you \u2026<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t

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Tips to escape bullying<\/span><\/h4>\n
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    • Have a courageous conversation<\/li>\n
    • Seek guidance from your manager<\/li>\n
    • Seek HR counsel<\/li>\n
    • Seek external support by a trusted peer, friend, professional org or coach<\/li>\n
    • Consult your company\u2019s compliance officer or hotline<\/li>\n
    • Don\u2019t succumb to the bully \u2013 it\u2019ll fan their desire<\/li>\n
    • Get out \u2013 put distance between yourself and the bully<\/li>\n
    • GET OUT!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      This post addresses the issue of bullying and how you might mitigate or stop it if ever confronted with a bullying manager, business partner or peer.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1796,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"0","ocean_second_sidebar":"0","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"0","ocean_custom_header_template":"0","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"0","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"0","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"off","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-allgemein","entry","has-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1795","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1795"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1795\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6214,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1795\/revisions\/6214"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stretch-coaching.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}